My Monster, My Master/Script
In the living room Link: (plays a video game with B.O.B.) Dodge, weave, double dodge, and... (stammers) (B.O.B. bangs on his controller) video game narrator: Player one loses. Link: (stands on the couch) Oh man, again?! That makes what, like uh, twelve games?! How do you do it B.O.B.? B.O.B.: Do what? (Link shouts gibberish while ripping a pillow with his teeth) Sta'abi: (destroys the door) Boom! (flips and jumps over the couch) Where are they? Link: Who're you talking about? Sta'abi: The defeated; I heard their anguished cries and came to laugh at their shame faces. Link: Oh I, guess you're looking for me then. (sits on the couch) Laugh away. Sta'abi: (grabs Link) Ha ha, shame fa----Wait, (drops Link) you are not the defeated. (repeatedly steps on Link) Where are your gaping wounds, (grabs Link's tail) your severed limbs, (drops Link and bends down) your head stump? Link: We were playing a video game Sta'abi. B.O.B.: We were? Link: (jumps near a gaming console) I just got this Nx-box and B.O.B.'s beaten me every single time. It's my box! B.O.B.: (presses buttons) Pressing buttons makes me feel like a big boy. Sta'abi: I will (picks up a controller) play this game of videos against you blob, and I will win. Sometime later (Sta'abi tries to beat B.O.B. while he just bangs on the controller and still wins) video game narrator: Player one loses. Sta'abi: Again! Sometime later (Sta'abi still tries to beat B.O.B.) video game narrator: Player one loses. Sta'abi: Again! Sometime later (Sta'abi still tries to beat B.O.B. while he doesn't even look at the television and stares at the ceiling) video game narrator: Player one loses. Sometime later (Sta'abi still tries to beat B.O.B. while sits on the side of the couch and not look at the television) video game narrator: Player one loses. Sometime later (the video game narrator keeps on saying "loses" making her angry until it says "wins") Sta'abi: (stands up) Yes! (B.O.B. is seen licking his controller) video game narrator: for losing most games in a row. Sometime later (Sta'abi still tries to beat B.O.B.) B.O.B.: (talks to Link and not look at the television while holding a coffee mug and playing the video game) So you're saying it's not Taco Tuesday or Spaghetti Saturday. (takes a sip) video game narrator: Player one loses, again. (Sta'abi screams and destroys the Nx-box with her spear) Link: Aah, my Nx-box! (Sta'abi growls and turns around) Link: Totally had it coming, (starts to back away) is what I was going to say. (B.O.B. hits his controller with his eye) Link: I was going to destroy it myself, (sits on a chair and talks softer) and then... Sta'abi: (snarls and raises her spear) Sta'aaaaaabi! Link: No! Sta'abi: (bends down) Oh mighty master B.O.B., you have bested me in battle. Teach me your sacred secrets of combat. (B.O.B. moves his eye towards Link and he gives a shurg) In the kitchen (Sta'abi and B.O.B. enters) B.O.B.: My student, if you want to be like me, the first thing you gotta know is I don't do anything on an empty stomach. Sta'abi: Because a warrior's stomach must be filled with bile and spite? B.O.B.: Um, more like pastrami. (sacks a sandwich to many layers with his eye on top of the sandwich while using an olive for an eye) I like lots of layers. Sta'abi: Yes master, many layers. (B.O.B. swallowed his sandwich whole having him put his eye back in place and close his eyes while leaving the kitchen which Sta'abi follows him) Dr. Cockroach: I believe now is an appropriate time for a "Wha?". Susan: And a follow-up: "Double wha?". Link: Yeah, that's happening. Now can we get back to talking about my Nx-box; my poor sweet Nx-box? In the living room B.O.B.: (walks around Sta'abi) Sta'abi, I'm gonna teach you to walk like me, talk like me, and think like somebody else 'cause I don't do a lot of the thinking, per se. In the rampage room (B.O.B. splits himself into seven bowling points and a ball to make a ball part of him roll to the other parts of him which puts himself together while Sta'abi curls herself into a ball while groaning without having the ability to move and then lies down) Sometime later (B.O.B. rolls his eye onto his tongue while Sta'abi strains herself trying to put one of her eyes on her tongue; she succeed, but fainted as a consequence) In the male's bathroom B.O.B.: Go! (flushes himself down the toilet) Whee! (moves from a different toilet) How'd you do? Sta'abi: I have ruined my boots. (an employee goes in the stall Sta'abi's in and unzips his pants) Sta'abi: Occupied. random employee: Oh. (leaves the stall and backs away) In the hallway B.O.B.: (walks with Sta'abi) Sta'abi, you seem like you're having a hard, per se time getting the essence of B.O.B. Sta'abi: It is true master. B.O.B.: (stops Sta'abi) Aw, it's simple; always don't do the thing that you aren't supposed to not do. Sta'abi: I, don't understand. B.O.B.: There you go friend, now you're getting it. Come on, I want to show you something (grabs Sta'abi) that will change your life. Sta'abi: (gets pulled on by B.O.B.) Whoo! In the living room Link: (tries to fix his Nx-box) All right, good. A little bit here and boom, (stops repairing) factory fresh Nx-box. Dr. Cockroach: (pours lemonade) Link, though your repairs (stops pouring) are um, novel, I'm not sure they're scientifically sound. Link: Doc, here's what I've learned on my little journey; as long as you believe in yourself, (presses the on button) you can----(sees the Nx-box going haywire and ducks under the couch) AAH, FIRE IN THE HOLE! (shows his head over the couch and sobs) Dr. Cockroach: There there Link, no need to wail, simper, and/or caterwaul. I can fix this. Link: Seriously? (ducks a little after hearing the sparks) 'Cause it looks pretty toast. In the garage Dr. Cockroach: (throws trash out of its original bin) Just need a few spare parts. Link: Hey, my old VCR, (expands the VCR) and my hip-hoppercise tape is still in there. (turns around facing Dr. Cockroach) Who threw this out? Dr. Cockroach: I, I-I have no idea. Ooh, look at this (unfolds the wrapping paper) a discarded data server, an excellent candidate for parts. (Link goes near Dr. Cockroach) Dr. Cockroach: Provided it still works. Link: Let's give it some juice. Dr. Cockroach: (plugs a wire into the data server making it work) It's booting up. That's a good sign. (fist bumps with Link) Rule-Bot: Roo, roo, roo... Link: Roo, is it trying to talk? Rule-Bot: (has its eye appear) Rule violation ninty-one-C: unauthorized power cord! Link & Dr. Cockroach: Rule-Bot! (Rule-Bot tries to catch them, but misses both of them) Link: AAH! (Link and Dr. Cockroach hid under some garage they left on the ground) Dr. Cockroach: The Rule-Bot. (Link takes off the hat Dr. Cockroach was wearing and throws it away) Dr. Cockroach: I thought we'd seen the last of that mechanical menace. (Rule-Bot picks up the hat) Link: Me too. You said as long as we never plugged him in again, we'd... (Rule-Bot takes off the hat) Link: Ooh, we done a bad thing doc. Rule-Bot: All will obey the Rule-Bot! (hits Link on the face) Link: Hey, smarts! (Rule-Bot hits Dr. Cockroach) Dr. Cockroach: Ow! (the device on Link's and Dr. Cockroach's heads beep causing them to be hypnotized) Out on the desert (B.O.B. and Sta'abi stare at a rock) B.O.B.: It's really something, huh? Link first turned me on to this. Sta'abi: Master, it is a rock. B.O.B.: Mm-hmm. Sta'abi: And we've been staring at it for hours. B.O.B.: Yep. Sta'abi: I do not get the point. B.O.B.: Oh, it has no point. (picks up the rock) It's round. (shows the rock to Sta'abi) See? Sta'abi: So Sta'abi should be round like the rock? B.O.B.: (looks at the rock) Wait. (sputters while concentrating on the rock and even stares at it with the side of his eye) I forgot the question. (Sta'abi growls at B.O.B.) In the hangar of the base (Sta'abi and B.O.B. enters in the base) Sta'abi: I do not wish to be impatient master, but when will you teach me to crush my enemies and make candlesticks out of their shinbones? B.O.B.: Don't know, (stops Sta'abi) now let me ask you a question? When will you teach me to crush my shinbones and make enemies out of candlesticks? (laughs) See? (walks away from Sta'abi) It goes both ways little friend. Sta'abi: (growls at B.O.B. and jumps over him) Enough! (walks around B.O.B.) You show me how to make sandwiches and stare at rocks (shows her boot) and ruin boots in toilet, (gets her face closer to B.O.B.) but never any glorious combat! Do you know anything about mercilessly destroying enemies (moves her face closer to B.O.B.) or not?! Rule-Bot: (traps B.O.B. and Sta'abi in giant glass tubes and shuts the doors) Rule violation eighty-one-F, unnecessary loud ranting. Sta'abi: (gasps) Rule-Bot. B.O.B.: (close his eye) Wait a minute, (opens his eye) I know that voice. (tries to think) Sta'abi: Yes, I said, (speaks fluently) "Rule-Bot." B.O.B.: On the tip of my tongue. (grows an extra arm on his head) Sta'abi: It is Rule-Bot! (pounds the glass) Rule-Bot, (pounds the glass again) Rule-Bot, Rule-Bot! (B.O.B. grows an extra arm scratching his butt) Rule-Bot: (enters in the entrance) Prepare to be standardized for, (sends Susan, Link, Dr. Cockroach, Coverton, Sqweep, and the vornicarn) optimal behavior. B.O.B.: Hey guys, hey maybe you guys can settle this. Is that... Link: Rule-Bot is, controlling us. Susan: And he's gonna, make us, control you, too. Rule-Bot: (raises its eye) Yes, you will obey the rules, all the rules, all the time. Soon I shall control every man, woman, and child in the world! (puts its head down to Sqweep) Especially the children, they're so unruly. Is washing hands before dinner such a hard concept? (raises its eye) All will obey the Rule-Bot! B.O.B.: Rule-Bot ha ha! Okay, you were right, Sta'abi! (Sta'abi breaks her glass with her spear as she groans) Rule-Bot: (lowers his eye facing Sta'abi) Containment violation. (faces to the beings it controls) Minions, stop her! Dr. Cockroach: Forced, to, act, against, my, will. Link: And speak, like, I'm, constipated. Coverton: (sees his chair starting to fire lasers at Sta'abi which then fires) Not my fault, I'm not doing this! (Sta'abi runs away from the lasers which leads Coverton's chair to fire a missile; Sta'abi uses her spear to make a u-turn which has the missile also make a u-turn; Sta'abi runs up and makes a jump to destroy the missile; as the chair fires more lasers, Sta'abi throws her spear which hits the chair) Coverton: (gets launched off the chair) AAH! (lands on the ground and groans) Remember, I am a fellow alien! (gets grabbed and spun around by Sta'abi) AAH! Sta'abi: Back, or I will bludgeon you with this! Coverton: This, this is me! (Sta'abi hits Sqweep towards wall and lie down; Sqweep rotates its head three hundred sixty degrees counterclockwise) Link: Last time, (ducks under Coverton while he groans) we beat Rule-Bot, (ducks under Coverton while he groans) by making him, (ducks under Coverton while he groans) break his own, (gets hit by Sta'abi while Coverton groans) rules. (gets kicked down by Sta'abi) Dr. Cockroach: (lies down while getting hit by Sta'abi) Overloaded his, logic board. Susan: And who's more, illogical than (bends backwards under Coverton while he groans) B.O.B.? B.O.B.: (rolls his eye while filling as much of the glass tube as possible) I'm a glass of water! Sta'abi: Yes, I must be B.O.B. (throws Coverton) Coverton: (yells in a deep voice) Aah! (hits the door and falls down) (Sta'abi curls into a ball; rolls down while hitting Sqweep, Link, and Susan; and rolls around Rule-Bot) Rule-Bot: (rolls its neck) Rule violation thirty-four-D, no rolling on hangar floor. Sta'abi: (stops rolling and holds a sandwich) Sandwich has many layers. Rule-Bot: Layers? Sandwich discussion is illogical in this circumstance. Sta'abi: Maybe. (walks away) Hold that thought. (walks in the bathroom, flushes herself, and flips out of the alien's bathroom) I just flushed myself. Yay! (walks backwards while closing her eyes) Rule-Bot: Your behavior is illogical. It has no point. Sta'abi: Yes, it is round. (puts her left eye on her tongue, out of her mouth, and puts it back it position) Rule-Bot: (backs away) Illogical, does not compute! (rolls to B.O.B.'s glass tube) Not, not, not logical. (breaks down) (Link, Sqweep, the vornicarn which he went from grunting to panting, Coverton, Dr. Cockroach, and Susan returned back to normal) Susan: Sta'abi, I think you did it! Dr. Cockroach: (stands up) Huzzah, Rule-Bot once again is... (Link, Sqweep, the vornicarn, Coverton, Dr. Cockroach, and Susan are hypnotized again) Rule-Bot: Rule-Bot has fooled you! (raises its eye) Rule-Bot improved its logic board since our last encounter. (raises above Sta'abi) Also its practical joke board. Ha ha ha. Rule-Bot will rule all! (Link groans, Sqweep turns his body 360 degrees counterclockwise, Susan grows to her Ginormica size, and the vornicarn snarls; Susan grabs Sta'abi having her struggle to get free while Rule-Bot looks at her) B.O.B.: Sta'abi, being water is fun! Sta'abi: Yes, yes it is. (grabs Rule-Bot's neck putting multiple mind controls on Susan and kicks her down; Sta'abi rides on Coverton's chair having Dr. Cockroach jump towards Susan's leg, her vornicarn ingest Link, and too high for Sqweep to reach; she twirls her spear) Sta'abi! (yodels and makes a heated scratch on B.O.B.'s tube) Rule-Bot: Ha ha. (Sta'abi taps the glass making it broken and have B.O.B. land on Rule-Bot) Rule-Bot: Rule violation H-four O four, no liquid in the Rule-B-b-b-b-b-b-bot (explodes) (Susan shrinks to human size as Sqweep, Dr. Cockroach, the vornicarn, Link, Coverton, and her are back to normal again) Dr. Cockroach: Yeah! Link: (opens the vornicarn's mouth) Yeah! Susan: Yes! Link: I'm controlling me again. (gets out of the vornicarn and rolls next to Sta'abi) Hold on, let me make sure with a bicep flex. (makes a pose) She-gow! It's all good there. And now let me check out the pecks. (makes another pose and grunts while flexing his peck muscles) Oh yeah! B.O.B.: That was (goes back to his normal form) awesome Sta'abi. Sta'abi: Thank you master. B.O.B.: (stretches) Well, what do you say we call it a day? Sta'abi: Yes, master. (raises her spear) We shall call it a day. Sha'agout! (packages her spear) B.O.B.: Uh, (walks away behind Sta'abi) okay. Sha'agout to you too. (Sta'abi closes the door that Coverton's on having him fall on the floor and groan) B.O.B.: Per se. Category:Scripts